How to find a boyfriend

Finding love is not pretty. You have to date around, find out what you like and don’t like, make compromises, teach men how to be domestic, have your heart broken and occasionally fall for a sociopath. 
For the past ten years, before meeting my boyfriend, he and I both have taken time to work on ourselves separately (a la healing, reading self help books, going to therapy, and adopting healthy habits). These healthy habits we honed make our relationship sing and work beautifully. I believe the commitment to continual growth and good health helps foster a relationship that will last. Additionally, taking strategic chances and putting yourself in the right place are key components to finding "the one".
To preface the following anecdote, my most recent method for finding a boyfriend worked very well for me. I’m not saying the method has a hundred percent success rate but it’s worth a shot if you are open-hearted. 
I moved home to San Diego from Los Angeles, rekindled a friendship with an old school friend, and attended her small gathering, where I connected with even more of my childhood classmates. I openly shared my dating horror stories and at the end of the evening, my classmate suggested that I go on a date with one of our mutual friend’s older brothers, who I also have known since I was little but never really talked to because he was an upperclassman. 
The next day, on my preferred dating app, Bumble, I saw him, swiped right and we matched! Maybe this was the universe telling me to go for it or maybe it was just my phone listening to everything I said out loud. Our dating profiles were similar; minimal and we both shared similar interests, like stand up comedy, writing, the ocean, and tacos. So uncommon ;) Our first date was a collaboration, he reserved a table at Piatti’s in La Jolla and I suggested we add on a beach walk before. We talked, dined, laughed, shared stories and agreed to go out again. Dating is so easy and fun when you're with the right person. 

First date at La Jolla Shores

I cannot believe I had met my soulmate when I was four years old without even knowing. And thankfully and unknowingly, the pandemic brought us back home to have the chance to meet and date each other. 
In The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy said, “If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own backyard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with…” I love how the quote’s meaning of “your backyard” can also represent your community that you thrive in and belong to, such as an improv school, the board for your local park, or a social or professional group you're a part of. In these groups is where, people can also find a life partner, someone who shares similar values and life goals. 

In order to find love, it’s vital to work towards healing and loving yourself first. When coming from a grounded and healed place, it's easier to identify red flags and to listen to what our bodies and hearts truly want.  Next, try the following to find a boyfriend/girlfriend: 

• Put yourself out there by going on dates. (In the past, I would usually have a quick phone call as a screener before an in person date; this saved time.) 
• Share your dating stories and what you are searching for with friends. 
• Look to your communities and social groups for potential suitors. 
• Understand what you want and what you don’t want by trial and error. Keep a written log or diary. When I started using a Passion Planner, my life started to come in focus more.
• Most importantly, as you date listen to your gut and sometimes occasionally to your phone’s creepy eavesdropping. 

Let me know if this method works for you! 
Love, 
LaVon 
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